Marriages in India and Radical feminists way to choose their partner

By - Abhudai Pal

Isn’t the youth of the 21st century, trying to balance social standards and romance, while finding their marriage partner?

A college incidence from my life is helpful to understand the issue.

In my college dramatics society, My teacher used to give us (a group of 4-5 students) a topic. Then we had to perform 2-3 minutes of play/improvisation after 10 minutes of preparation on that topic.

That particular day the topic was  “The behavior of a husband, whose wife earns more than her”. We performed improvisation. In that short improvisation, I played the role of husband. I remember that my group kept the salary difference of 50k.

In our short improvisation, we showed, how the husband refused to give money to his child and scolds him to get it from her mother as she earned more. When his parents asked him to buy medicines, he directed his parents to her wife to purchase medicines because she earns more than him.

In that improvisation of 2-3 minutes, we showed the ego issue of the husband who was having lots of problems with his wife’s earnings.    

As usual, after the play we discussed the reasons for his behavior, every member gave reasons like societal pressure, patriarchial and regressive mindset, etc.

Then, sir asked my group.

The difference of 50k, isn’t that too much?

The college kids said, No sir, without much knowledge of practical life. Our teacher just smiled at our collective innocence.

 “Abhudai”,  he said.

“In reality, Won’t you have any ego issues, if your wife earns more than you”?

“No sir”. I replied spontaneously.

My answer to the question is still the same.

But, now that I understand the society around me better. I want an answer to the same question from a wife's perspective with a minor change in the question.

Therefore, the re-framed question is:

“Will you respect and love your husband, if he earns less than you”?

Straight females should answer this question, honestly, at least to themselves, before moving further.  

If your answer is a spontaneous yes like mine was. Good, We can be friends now!

Otherwise, I am intrigued, what are your parameters to fall in love? Be ruthlessly honest with your answers, else, reading this is worthless.

This is a post-marriage scenario. But what should be a lady’s criteria to choose her life partner.

Marriage parameters

Its been often complained and claimed by the ladies, in general, that they aren’t considered human beings. Especially when the hunt for marriage is at a peak from families.

They raise issues like,

No matter how much they achieve, they are merely considered as an object whose sole existence is meant to satisfy lust perse.

Our (Women) eligibility to get married depends on the color of skin, height, and weight?

We are not given freedom of a human being, we are just symbols of social prestige, pre as well as post marriage.

I know, their issues deserve to heed. And considering the present deep-rooted patriarchial mindset in Indian society. The Issues, I raised are nothing compared to the real-life humiliation majority of women in India face.

At the same time, if a girl can read and understand this write-up, then the probability that you really know what humiliation is, far less, compared to the women of non-metropolitan India.  

I agree, that women should not be judged by their physical appearance and other pretentious parameters when it comes to marriage or any other aspect of their lives.  They must be judged on the content of their character, not only ladies everyone must be, on this parameter only.

Questions need to be answered

But, but,  Don’t ladies judge their prospective groom based on physical appearances?

Are they comfortable with their prince charming who is not fair-skinned, not handsome, fat, short but is a man of character?

Would the majority of ladies will fall in love with a person, whose earnings are less than her?  

Do the ladies marries to a guy or to his salary?

Do women marry men or the prestige/social status associated with men?

Would they feel comfortable living with a man who isn’t competitive on social parameters, but is a kind-hearted and loving man, who just wants a simple and decent life?

Would ladies introduce their husband proudly, if he isn’t at a good place compared to her peer's husbands?

Well, take time and answer the above questions, honestly with yourself, if you are women.

Just make sure that if your honest answers to the above questions aren't positive. This implied that you judge someone on the parameters with which you don't like to be judged. Hypocrisy!

PERSPECTIVES

Answered the above questions, then please consider the following quotes from different perspectives, having a lot in common.

“ Size and shape, check. Weight check, color check. This time he selected a live piece of meat for an arranged marriage.”

Anonymous

“Height and complexion, Check.  Salary Gap Check. Designation check. This time they selected secure insurance policy for an arranged marriage”

Aryan Bajpayee

The common thing among both perspectives is the frustration of not marrying the person soul, but marrying the social status and external beauty of the person. This frustration is independent of a person's sex.

So, stop generalizing and understand that no one deliberately wants to select a piece of meat or a secure insurance policy but had to because of the societal pressures. The societal pressures aren't easily defeated.

Disclaimer – This article strictly addresses the hypocrisy of Metropolitan Radical feminists (Remotely found in other parts of India too) while choosing their partners. If you are hurt by this write up rather than understanding the issue, you are one among those, whose definition of feminism compelled me to quit calling myself a “feminist”.   Your existence is a big blot on an understanding of the women issue in India perse, you are an enemy in disguise.

PRACTICAL WISDOM

The youth of the 21st century is confused while choosing their life partner.

Women in India had to face humiliations while choosing their partners.

In India majority of the marriages are with fair skin and the fat salary not with the person's soul.

Some problems are the same for everyone irrespective of their sex.